There’s times when I just hate reviewing music because I’m expected to be reasonable as a reviewer. Sometimes, I unreasonably hate something and I have to explain why. Why should I? I’m supposed to be an honest reviewer,
Fuck it, I’ll act completely unreasonable to entertain myself whilst writing this review so I hate myself a little less for wasting my time and destroying my brain. You all know that my views aren’t prescription, so allow yourself to be entertained as I commence rant mode.
This album Shift Happens should stick with the original term – SHIT Happens – because it indeed has. I will continue calling it by the name it was meant to have. Shit Happens is the new offaling – I mean – offering by “bass music” duo Love And Light. How mid-range whomp and laser synths is called “bass” is beyond me.
Love And Light have played at quite a few progressive hippy doof culture parties in Australia, including Deliverance, Rainbow Serpent and Earthfreq. How on Earth did these guys get recognition in Australia? Is this another symptom of the “EDM” plague?
Yes, it is. Love And Light stem from Reno, Nevada, and they’re huge at big American festivals like Burning Man, Coachella, Wakarusa, Sonic Bloom, Enchanted Forest and The Bounce. That’s really sad to me. Anyway, let’s get this over and done with so I can take a hot shower, I already feel dirty.
‘Day Won’ sounds like hippies trying to be hip-hop. This glitch-hop trend has been all-too-pervasive for a couple of years now. It’s not cool. It’s not hip-hop. It’s some white bread and cracker shit that takes anything good out of hip-hop and turns it into a satanic bubble-bath perversion of grimey beats.
Where was I? Rant mode is setting in, madness levels rising…
‘Infinite Possibilities’ started off sounding like something good with some interesting indecipherable warped and muffled sounds, but I knew when it started building predictably in tempo, key, pitch and audibility to a drop that I was going to hate it.
Sure enough, it dropped into the cheesiest, most infuriatingly predictable and boring “crunk” break-down I’ve had the displeasure of hearing this year, complete with played-out robotic “yeah”s and child vox stating “infinite possiblities”. Sorry, what was the name of the track again, I need to be reminded?
It’s sort of ironic that this track is played out down a well-worn furrow and done so poorly with a title like that. Infinite Possiblilties, my fucking ass. Stop hurting my ears with your hands-up frat-boy candy shit.
I sort of liked ‘Key-O’Metric Saturns’ with its funky bassline, more sustained smacky drum hits, It did sound good at what it was trying to do, but the overall feel is still synthetic and cartoonish. Some might call it playful, but I would call it immature. Regardless, it was a stand-out track from Shit Happens in a good way. That’s the best you’ll get from me.
‘Pinion Jumper’ likewise done a good job for 40 seconds until the autotune and cheesy (sorry for insulting cheese) foreground single key melodies shot it all to hell, and the overall bounciness of it rendered it jerky and unlistenable without me wanting to chew on glass and bricks or at least attempt cry-for-help suicide, made progressively worse with even cheesier call-and-response foreground melodies. If I hear someone call this “funky” in front of me, I will seriously bitch-slap them.
So let’s not analyse every track seperately so I don’t have to go on a mass homicide, and let’s summarise the overall track structure in Shit Happens.
First 40 seconds listenable of each track, until predictable build-up and drop completely fucks it. Then it’s a real slog to keep listening to the stupidly whompy,(to coin a phrase of my good friend Sister Ray) doopley, corny cracker-head clown beats that seem set on getting even more ridiculous as each slow second passes painfully by.
Shit Happens is a hippy glitch-hop onslaught. It’s phat for phat’s sake like Skrillex and built on cheap and synthetic drops that could be done more efficiently and tactfully by any truly creative producer, but this is the cheap sugar rush that gives you a headache afterwards. It reminds me of every empty-headed, superficial, elitist, cultist, new-wave, new-age, vegan. petition-signing, pseudo-spiritual, electronic natural hipster, fake-ass hippy I’ve ever met.
It’s really annoying in the way that when a beautiful person does something really shit, all their friends still fawn and suck and say things like “that’s so bay-ew-tifullll, Moonchild, you’re soooo talented and gawr-jous. This is the most amaay-zing spiritual journey and I could feel it cleanse my chakras” in order to cater for their enormous egos and to keep up the in-circle of airhead union talent, and then all these other hipsters cater for it cause they can see that its popular and can see all these other beautiful people gathered around it, so I feel “music” like this is all based around image, popularity and beauty, and it makes me SICK.
I’m sure dumb hippies everywhere will love this pile of electronic psychedelic goat’s droppings.
A generous 0.5 out of 5 Haarp Strings.
Written by Kristian Hatton.